last night i finally finished my rewatch/reread of the cardcaptor sakura franchise. i was on netflix last month when i saw that the original anime was leaving at the end of the month, and it had been a decade or so since i last watched it, so i figured i was due for a rewatch. i ended up watching it in japanese and thought it was pretty easy for the most part. i also played the playstation 1 game animetic story game 1: cardcaptor sakura, which loosely covers the first season of the anime. it doesn't really feel right to say i played it since there's like five minigames in the whole game, the rest is just watching scenes, but the sprite work is SO cute and the whole game only took me like 3 hours to finish so i can't really complain. i tried to rip the sprites using jpsxdec since i want to turn some into gifs for my toybox page but was unsuccessful. i might mess around with using frame advancing and screenshots to manually cut and gif some sprites in the future though.

i also read and watched the sequel cardcaptor sakura: clear card. even though i loved ccs as a kid i never read the sequel, probably because i was in college when the series started and wasn't into animanga at the time. luckily though the manga is finished now and i was able to binge read the whole thing ^^ i didn't really have high hopes since i don't usually care for series reboots, but i enjoyed it a lot more than i thought i would. i liked that sakura was better able to take charge of situations and leap into action, and syaoran got some moments to show off too. tomoyo and kero were just as adorable as always of course. while i think the main new character, akiho, was a little underutilized and i would've liked her more if she had a personality that wasn't the same as sakura's (i also could've used more touya and yukito tbh), i think the main mystery of clear card was more interesting than the original series and i like how it expanded upon some of the lore (especially around sakura's parents). i read that last year CLAMP announced a sequel to the first season after 5 years but i couldn't find any follow up. the anime had some major changes from the manga that i'm not sure how they're going to deal with in the sequel, but tbh i know i'll be happy as long as i get to see sakura and syaoran animated together again (i may have teared up when they flew together towards the end of the first season...). here are some of my favorite panels (spoiler warning):

it's been awhile since i last wrote about what i've #read recently. i've read more non-fiction books than i normally do. i never really know how to talk about non-fiction i've read since i don't consider myself an expert on anything, so i don't have the confidence say if a book's contents is true or bullshit or whatever. especially since i like to read stuff i don't know anything about and thus don't have anything to compare it to, i often don't have any deep insight other than "this was really interesting!" but i guess that just because something doesn't move me to write an entire essay in response to it doesn't mean it's not worth sharing with others. i know i've read lots of interesting books and essays just by coming across a mention of them in various blog posts (all the books i'm about to mention are political in nature though so if you don't want to read about that feel free to skip this blog post)

the first book is elite capture by olúfẹ́mi o. táíwò. he states that identity politics has strayed from its roots and has been weaponized to divide groups, even though it was originally envisioned to help build coalitions that could work together to tackle shared issues. he then argues that this didn't occur because of an issue with identity politics itself, but rather because identity politics has suffered from elite capture, or that political and and economic elites have co-opted it to serve their own interests. for awhile now i've been disillusioned with identity politics and standpoint theory in general, since i feel like so many people (especially online) just use such theories as an excuse to dismiss a work for not being "intersectional enough" instead of trying to engage with an idea on its own terms, or bully people who don't post about x issue affecting y group on their social media regardless of their actions irl or their focus on activism in another area; i think it's prevented many so-called leftists from building solidarity and class consciousness. even after reading this book i still feel this way, and i still think it's not just elites but average people who have fractured the left using identity politics. yet i did learn a lot about how elite capture as a process works, and the book did challenge my ideas about how it could still be used for constructive coalition building.

the next book is the righteous mind: why good people are divided by politics and religion by jonathan haidt. he explores how humans evolved our moral intuitions and argues that this intuition comes before our reasoning and justifications for it. he goes on to expound upon his six foundations of morality theory and how they build moral matrices, which in turn works to bind groups together and promote behavior among individuals that benefit group interests, even at the cost of self-interest. i think his theory on how morality works is interesting a definitely aligns with my own experience talking to others about right and wrong and our reactions to ideas that go against our beliefs. i find the final sections where he applies his moral foundations theory to american political analysis a little lackluster though. i guess from the title of the book i thought it was going to be a bigger focus and more in depth than it ended up being, and while i think the earlier sections do a good job at backing up his claims with studies, i think the later sections rely a little too much on constructing narratives to illustrate his point. he also sort of skirts around the issue of how large groups like nations can effectively balance the competing moral matrices of its subgroups when they are often incompatible. i agree with his argument that groups being exclusionary and having different ideals isn't a bad thing, but most of his examples are too small and local to feel compelling. it's like he's afraid of discussing how exactly we're meant to embrace pluralism in the real world when part of another group's ideology oppresses members of our own group. it reminds me of another book i read earlier this year, prey by ayaan hirsi ali, which argues that unchecked immigration from muslim majority countries into the eu has lead to a spike in sexual violence towards women. she explains how islamic culture shapes these men's view on women, and that moving outside of the restrictions of islamic communities can cause some to commit violence against women. she contends that the left's unwillingness to criticize these viewpoints is due to political correctness, that this violence is causing some voters to turn towards the right, and that european nations need to promote more assimilation when accepting refuges in order to protect women's rights. while haidt argues in the righteous mind that liberals tend to care so much about the care/harm and liberty/oppression foundation that it inhibits their ability to understand and accept other moralities, i think that those on the left do accept pluralism in some cases—just not white christian morality—even at the expense of the well-being of members in their own group (in this case, women). i realize that haidt's book is mainly meant to be descriptive of how differing morality systems are formed and their evolutionary benefit instead of prescriptive of what systems are right or not, but to basically end the book with saying "let's all talk to each other in good faith 💖" just felt shallow. it's also painfully obvious to me that this book was published in 2012. i read antisocial by andrew marantz earlier this year as well which discusses the rise of the american alt-right and how social media has made it easier to become radicalized into extremist ideology, and i would love to see how haidt would apply his morality theory to more niche political groups such as the alt-right as it's clear that when he discusses american conservatives he's referring to the traditional christian kind and not necessarily the reactionary libertarian trolls marantz discusses in his book.

the last book i wanted to mention is the creation of patriarchy by gerda lerner. she traces how patriarchy as a way of structuring society developed in western civilization starting from ancient mesopotamia, and argues that while biological differences exist between men and women, gendered relationships are something that evolved over time. honestly it was way more in depth about discussing the archaeological evidence for her theories than i was anticipating, and considering the fact that i almost never read about ancient history and am uneducated on the topics she was writing about it was tough at times for me to digest everything. i can't really speak authoritatively on the accuracy of her arguments since i know fuck all about ancient history, but i think the tone with which she writes is engaging and she writes clearly enough that i could more or less follow her main points even when they were hard for me to believe (her speculation that man learned how to subjugate and enslave other groups by first subjugating women stands out to me as one). the prose also didn't make the book feel as though it were published in 1986, it never seemed dry or overly academic. i generally find history books boring i found myself compelled to keep picking this one up.

i've been sick the last couple of days, but i'm starting to feel better. i #crocheted this bag with some yarn i found at a thrift store a year ago. i haven't done any fiber arts for like two months since all the windows in my house were replaced recently, so a bunch of stuff had to be packed away. now that everything's been put back i've been able to go through my fiber arts WIPs and tbh i didn't feel like doing any of them lol. i think that since it was all cold weather stuff and now that it's >70°F/20°C i just don't have the motivation to finish them right now and just wanted a quick and easy project to get back into the swing of things.

while crocheting i also #read two books by keigo higashino, a death in tokyo and the final curtain. i think that makes four or five books i've read by him in the past year. i always thought of myself as a fantasy girlie but idk, i've been getting really into japanese murder mysteries this year. i really like how higashino's books aren't really just about the murder mystery but more about the people surrounding the victim, the problems in society and our relationships that can drive people to murder, and how murder and death affect people and how we treat people who have recently experienced loss. i also like how in these two books we see more of kaga as a person, and i'm sad that there aren't any more books featuring detective kaga translated into english. guess that means i just have to work harder at studying japanese 😔

i also #played piofiore for a little bit... i've been in a bit of an otome slump since trying out and dropping virche evermore in january. so far i've only played through nicola's route (idek how i got on his route lmao). as a LI he was nice but didn't really do anything to captivate me. i liked the story though and am looking forward to the other routes, especially yang's since he shares a voice actor with tianyou zhao from the yakuza series.

i've now been on neocities for one month now! i think i've managed to get a lot done in one month. although i've spent most of that time thinking of what i want my site to look like and then coding it. i was inspired to join neocities because i just feel like i haven't been having fun on #social-media recently, and i thought i'd see if making my own website would be a more fulfilling use of my internet time. i've actually been trying to decrease the amount of time i spend online, which probably sounds stupid since i have to code this site from scratch, but it's actually been a really fun creative outlet. i like to think that if i spend more of my internet time on more fulfilling projects i'll spend less time on less fulfilling (but more instantly gratifying) activities like scrolling through social media.

this week i #read moshi moshi by banana yoshimoto. the only other book of hers i've read is the premonition which i didn't really like, although i liked the writing style. i don't know how to describe why i didn't like it other than it was just weird. usually i like that in a book but when i was reading that book i was like "wtf is wrong with these people" in a 🤨 way. like the plot... idk. vibes were off. luckily moshi moshi gives "wtf is wrong with these people" in a much more enjoyable way. i loved the relationship between the mother and the daughter in this book. i feel like i'm sort of going through the same thing in my life, with the whole learning about your parents as adults and humans now that they don't really need to parent you anymore and how your relationships with them change because of that. i also loved the vivid description of the main characters' life and sense of community living in shimokitazawa. maybe it's just because i live in suburban america but living in a diverse urban area and being able to walk or take a taxi to all the cool places they go in the book sounds like a dream. here's a #quote i really like that i think captures central themes of the healing power of food and community when you're grieving well in a few sentences:

We'd been carrying around a sense of someone missing—someone we might be able to find if only we knew where to go, then things might become clear.

We didn't cry then and there in the bistro, but the feeling of the cells in our bodies welcoming the sudden influx of nutrients was as refreshing as crying in a speeding car with the windows rolled down, letting tears fly. Like finally sitting yourself down at your destination at the end of an exhausting journey.

Michiyo-san didn't know what we were going through, nor did she console us directly. All she did was put herself into her food and offer it to us. That was obvious in everything about the restaurant—everything there was as real and as certain as anything could be.

Moshi Moshi by Banana Yoshimoto

this week i #read age of vice by deepti kapoor and invisible women: data bias in a world designed for men by caroline criado pérez. the vast majority of the time i say i read a book i really mean i listened to the audiobook. i like to listen to audiobooks when i do household chores. with the weather warming up here in minnesota, i've been doing my spring cleaning – deep cleaning the kitchen and bathrooms, cleaning and storing my winter clothes, bringing out the summer clothes, and getting ready to start gardening. this gave me plenty of time to get through these two large books in the space of a week.

cw: mentions of drugs, violence, car crashes, and death i don't remember why i decided to read age of vice. to be honest like 80% of the books i read i just see on libby or hoopla, think the cover looks good or the short blurb sounds interesting, then put it on hold. so by the time i'm actually able to check it out and read it i've forgotten all about what drew me to it in the first place. it follows the story of sunny wadia, the heir to a powerful mobster family, his servant ajay, and his journalist girlfriend neda. the book starts with a car crash that kills five people in new dehli, seemingly caused by ajay. not really the story i typically reach for, since i mainly read fantasy, but i've been on a bit of a crime thriller kick the last couple of months so i'm guessing this is why i put it on hold like 3 months ago. soon we go back to ajay's childhood and spend like a third of the book going through his past, how he meets sunny and starts to work for him, and gradually come to understand the wadia family from the perspective of an outsider. i loved this part of the book – i found ajay and his journey so captivating. but when the perspective moved to neda is when the book started to lose me. a journalist getting involved with the playboy son of a violent gang family, who is being investigated by the newspaper she works at, sounds like it should be interesting, but she ends up being the most boring character in the book. i don't know how to describe her other than she feels like she was written by a man, but the author is a woman, so... it's like she has no interiority. not that any of the other characters do either but i felt like she had the most potential, just to end up being defined entirely by her relationship to a man. and the man is fucking sunny wadia. even after all the time i spent watching her become interested in and then falling in love with him, i couldn't find a single redeeming quality to him. honestly he seemed cooler when i was reading from ajay's perspective. like if it was revealed at some point that ajay was in love with sunny i would've been like "okay, i could see how he could develop those feelings given his life circumstances" but neda? girl... love yourself. by the time we switch to sunny's perspective for the last third i was basically entirely checked out at that point. really the only reason i didn't DNF was because i was still invested in ajay's downward spiral. like while ajay was dealing with the trauma of trying to reunite with the family he lost as a child and the increasing level of violence he was expected to perform as part of his duties, sunny's downward spiral was just... drinking more and doing more cocaine. groundbreaking. the final parts of the book that take place after the reader learns the truth of the car crash was just confusing to me. i think i would've had an easier time if i was reading and not listening to the audiobook, but i absolutely would've DNF'd by that point if i was actually reading it. i've also read other reviews that mention feeling lost in the last part too, so maybe it's not just a me thing. besides ajay, the only other thing i really liked about this book was the prose. i think the blunt, detached air of it was fitting for the atmosphere of the book.

i've had invisible women in my to read list for awhile now. the book discusses how women are often not considered when it comes to collecting data on basically every facet of life. the author claims that this arises from how we consider men to be the default human, with words like "man" and "mankind" being understood to include women, so people often assume that conclusions drawn from men's opinions or studies using mostly men will apply to women too; pérez goes on to show just how pervasive this mindset is and how it's actually inaccurate at best and actively harmful at worst. i think i didn't read this book earlier because i wasn't sure if i was in the mood to read about stuff i assumed i was pretty knowledgeable about already. and i was right, that i didn't learn a ton of new information from this book, but i do read a fair bit of feminist literature. since i just needed something to listen to while i cleaned, it didn't bore me though. the audiobook is read by the author and you can definitely feel her frustration at points which i personally liked, although i've read some reviews that disliked it. to me the most interesting chapters were the final ones, that discuss how women aren't included in disaster relief planning and that this leads to prioritizing rebuilding for businesses before public housing, walkability and safe transit, and mixed use areas that women are more likely to want and utilize. it's not something that i had ever thought of before, how even zoning laws and city planning are disproportionately affect women.

in addition to doing a bunch of cleaning and listening to audiobooks i also #thrifted this sweater. it's a cashmere sweater in a pretty lilac color by the brand theory. i'm not that familiar with fashion but i thought i had heard the name before, plus most of the cashmere sweaters i've thrifted have been from charter club or j crew in boring cuts. so when i saw this sweater in a bit of a trendier style and color i was a bit curious as to how much it would retail for. turns out the original price was $325 😭😭😭 it makes me feel better for spending 7 whole dollars on it despite the weird patch of pilling on the front.