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kwaamfan's diary
red and yellow tulips starting to bloom
the flowers in my garden are starting to bloom

i made a bunch of changes to #my-site this past week, mainly stuff behind the scenes. most notably i added an atom feed for my microblog. i checked it with the browser extension feedbro and it looks okay i think. i also made one for updates to the rest of my site, which you can access here. i enabled rss autodiscovery on the main pages as well to make adding it to your rss reader a bit easier. in addition to moving to neocities, as part of my ongoing effort to curb my #social-media use i'm also trying to read more blogs, essays, and other long-form written media by subscribing to substacks and rss feeds, and i figured i may as well make it possible for others to do the same with my site. (as a side note - i recently discovered the read it later app omnivore and it's been really helpful in actually finishing reading articles i find interesting. i know other read it later apps have existed for a long time, idk why i've been sleeping on them until now.) i restructured a bunch of stuff in the code too, mostly switching some divs for semantic tags and converting all jquery to vanilla javascript, so if something looks broken try hard refreshing (ctrl+f5). turns out theres so much more to web development than the random bits i hacked together from tutorials and stack overflow answers making tumblr themes in 2015... i'm not sure if my site is actually any more accessible or loads faster and i still need to test things with an actual screen reader, but i think my code is easier to read at least.

fei and lan from the video game piofiore. lan says 'We do know a little bit about drugs. Isn't that neat?! That's 'cause we're the Lao-Shu!'
honestly these 15 year olds carried yang's route

i think i've had some sort of ear infection for the last couple days. i was gonna go to the doctor today if i wasn't feeling any better when i woke up, but it doesn't hurt anymore so i didn't end up going. i don't know what's up with my body this past year, i usually only get sick once or twice a year but i got sick like three times this winter alone -_- i took advantage of all the time i spent this weekend lying on my side to catch up on some manga (i may or may not have been like 6 months behind on chainsaw man đŸ™ˆ).

dante and yang from the video game piofiore. yang says 'Acting to protect someone only increases the probability of death.'
sorry for talking shit about u dante u did look pretty hot here

i also #played some piofiore and managed to finish yang's and dante's routes. now yang's route definitely lived up to its notoriety in the otome community but i found his best ending a little underwhelming. i usually do bad and good endings before the best ending and i found those really thrilling (i was even a little moved at the good ending ngl... may have even shed a tear or two) but the best ending... idk. i didn't dislike it but it wasn't as fun as his other endings or nicola's best ending. i found dante a little boring too. i think he kinda got shafted by having to carry the plot of the game on his route lol. i was grateful to finally learn about the key maiden stuff but honestly i spent the first half wishing i could've romanced leo instead. i'm halfway done with this game now and am looking forward to gilbert's route especially. orlock isn't really the type of LI i usually like but i'm also really intrigued by his role in the plot especially after seeing... yang's? best ending epilogue and dante's best ending.


recently i wrote a stylesheet for the browser extension stylus to hide the stats underneath the header on neocities profiles, as well as the follower/following list in the sidebar. after the implosion of federiefederi i've been reflecting a little on why i've been moving away from #social-media and what i want to get out of neocities. i've been trying to break out of the mindset i tend to have on other sites of obsessively checking my activity, how many likes my posts get, who does or doesn't follow me, who's popular and who isn't, etc that's been instilled in me from spending more than half my life online. in general i like the neocities activity feed and seeing people's new pages and updates, and i don't find that that affects my brain negatively, but i feel like the visible follower and view count does. so i removed it. i know it doesn't affect other people's ability to see how many people follow me or who i follow but that doesn't bother me.

a partially finished cross stitch. a shiny umbreon from the video game series pokemon is lying down.a cross stitch pattern of 8 different evolutions of eevees from the video game series pokemon lounging on a cat tower. they are all shiny variants.
11.66% done vs original. pattern link

i #cross-stitched a little this weekend too. according to pattern keeper i'm now over 10% done with this project đŸ¥³ i bought this pattern last july so at this rate i think i'll be done in 7 years? i randomly saw it on etsy one day and thought it was SO cute i just bought it – even though i'm not a pokemon fan lmao. luckily one of my besties is a big pokemon fan so i can give it to him... if i ever finish it. maybe i should work a liiiiittle harder and try to finish it before he graduates dental school... maybe.


i've now been on neocities for one month now! i think i've managed to get a lot done in one month. although i've spent most of that time thinking of what i want my site to look like and then coding it. i was inspired to join neocities because i just feel like i haven't been having fun on #social-media recently, and i thought i'd see if making my own website would be a more fulfilling use of my internet time. i've actually been trying to decrease the amount of time i spend online, which probably sounds stupid since i have to code this site from scratch, but it's actually been a really fun creative outlet. i like to think that if i spend more of my internet time on more fulfilling projects i'll spend less time on less fulfilling (but more instantly gratifying) activities like scrolling through social media.

the cover of the book moshi moshi by banana yoshimoto

this week i #read moshi moshi by banana yoshimoto. the only other book of hers i've read is the premonition which i didn't really like, although i liked the writing style. i don't know how to describe why i didn't like it other than it was just weird. usually i like that in a book but when i was reading that book i was like "wtf is wrong with these people" in a đŸ¤¨ way. like the plot... idk. vibes were off. luckily moshi moshi gives "wtf is wrong with these people" in a much more enjoyable way. i loved the relationship between the mother and the daughter in this book. i feel like i'm sort of going through the same thing in my life, with the whole learning about your parents as adults and humans now that they don't really need to parent you anymore and how your relationships with them change because of that. i also loved the vivid description of the main characters' life and sense of community living in shimokitazawa. maybe it's just because i live in suburban america but living in a diverse urban area and being able to walk or take a taxi to all the cool places they go in the book sounds like a dream. here's a #quote i really like that i think captures central themes of the healing power of food and community when you're grieving well in a few sentences:

We'd been carrying around a sense of someone missing—someone we might be able to find if only we knew where to go, then things might become clear.

We didn't cry then and there in the bistro, but the feeling of the cells in our bodies welcoming the sudden influx of nutrients was as refreshing as crying in a speeding car with the windows rolled down, letting tears fly. Like finally sitting yourself down at your destination at the end of an exhausting journey.

Michiyo-san didn't know what we were going through, nor did she console us directly. All she did was put herself into her food and offer it to us. That was obvious in everything about the restaurant—everything there was as real and as certain as anything could be.

Moshi Moshi by Banana Yoshimoto

welcome to my microblog! i wanted a place on my website where i could write about whatever i felt like, whenever i wanted, without feeling like i need to build a dedicated page around said topic. when i was thinking about how i want to present my thoughts, i went looking at how other people keep blogs on their neocities. i like status.cafe as a sort of twitter-like alternative for short thoughts, but i wanted to be able to write longer pieces plus sort posts by tags. i also felt like a more traditional blog-like framework such as zonelots would put too much pressure on me to write long posts if i only want to write a couple sentences. i guess i was looking for a more tumblr-like alternative that can balance the two but without all the noise that a #social-media platform brings. when i stumbled upon microblog.py it seemed like the perfect fit for my use case. for awhile now i've wanted to blog more about my hobbies and interests because i like looking back at my previous thoughts on what i've played, read, etc but trying to write for an audience felt paralyzing to me, and when i do end up sharing stuff online it's like i could feel my brain obsessing over views and likes and replies even when i knew i wasn't sharing stuff for engagement. yet it felt weird to write fandom related stuff in obsidian next to my personal notes about thai grammar and bayesian analysis and whatnot. like i love using obsidian to write notes about things i'm trying to learn, but i didn't really want to mix in the notes i write more like a diary entry to just rant or rave about stuff. i do sometimes write about it in physical journals, but i also like being able to search for things easily and embed digital content like screenshots. i think the appeal of having your own site to write about these kinds of things is that strangers can still read it, think about it, and interact with you if they really want to, but unlike social media platforms it's not like it'll appear on their feed or dashboard, inviting them to tell you your opinions are wrong if they feel like it intrudes upon their space. i'm also just not a social person in general despite enjoying reading other people's blogs and opinions, so not feeling like i must respond to every single rando who finds my posts makes me feel more comfortable writing more openly. it'll probably be a couple days between writing this and publishing it on my website since i still have to write the css and make sure everything works, but i look forward to trying out this format of journaling.